I made a song! Have it for free!

The last few weeks have been different! I spent a week in England with friends seeing all of the touristy parts of London that I'd never actually seen before. It was definitely different to see the city from that point view, instead of just somewhere I have to be for a show or event.

Ellie and I pose by Tower Bridge after a rainy production of Henry V in the Globe!

Since then, I've been recovering from the dreaded strep throat and hosting the above Ellie for a few days of fun here in Cork.

While I was in Southend-On-Sea, I got a phone call from a university I'd auditioned for. They offered me a place in 3rd year of the four-year degree programme! Back to college - woooooooohhhmygod. Delight and apprehension are flooding me! Think of all the new stationary that awaits....

In order to keep myself from going nuts with trying to imagine myself back in college, I've been trying to stay creative. Last week, I collaborated on a song with Belfast musician, Martin Byrne. The song is free to download, so please have a listen! It's freeeee and I really like it!

Martin is a composer who created a project last year called "Song a Day for a Year" (SADFAY). I featured on his October album then, and this year he's making a Song a Week for a Year (SAWFAY.) Both are incredible projects and it's interesting to see how versatile the styles of music that he comes up with are, considering the time scale he works to.

Obligatory visit to Blarney Castle

Lucky, Lucky, Lucky.

When I first heard Duke Special's cover of Radiohead's incredible 'Lucky' I wanted to learn it and sing it. Even before it was over, I knew that I couldn't give this song what it needs. As a performer, I'm not restrained enough to not let all my thoughts come straight though and ruin it. As a human being, I don't have enough wisdom to do this song justice. (This is not a love post for the Duke. That will come on a different day.)

What's so striking about this song is that we know what it's about - not from the lyrics, but from the marriage of the music and lyrics.

I think that most people have been in the place this song is about. We're walking through life smiling and talking and doing things. To others it might seem that everything is going our way, but inside we're feeling dark. It's going through the motions, doing your very best not to alert anyone to how you're feeling, because if you're honest with yourself, you don't know what this feeling is, how to fix it or how long it will last.

"Pull me out of the aircrash,
Pull me out of the lake
'Cause I'm your superhero
And we are standing on the edge..."

There's a very tangible sense of restraint through this song. The narrator never says anything directly, or at least he never says anything that we can make full sense of. He's dancing around the issue. Nothing is certain with him: he's ok, he's not sure if he's ok.

"I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll this time,
I feel my luck could change..."

In the original Radiohead version, the track is introduced by a sort of high-pitched scratchy noise which remains throughout most of the song. It reminds me of a device sometimes used to make listeners feel uncomfortable. If you ever watch a horror movie, there may be a subtle high-pitched sound - as you're focused on other things, you're not aware that you're getting more and more anxious because of this persistent noise. I think it's all linked in to the psychological aspect of this song. It's getting right in there, and explaining something that most people can't put into words.

In the Duke Special, the accompaniment is so beautiful. It's very measured and again, very restrained. It supports what's happening with the voice, but has its own story to tell. To me there's a sense that it wants to just go absolutely insane with running chords and scales. There's a slight hint of this coming through around 3 minutes in, where the piano wants to take off, but it restrains it. (In the Radiohead version, there's a very tortured guitar with a lot to say. It almost sound like it's crying.)

All in all, it's pretty sad. I want the guy in the song to just scream and shout and run until he can get this feeling out of him. I want the music to rage and the voice to cry what it's really feeling.

Crochet, flowers and summer time!

St. Brigid Anemones

Huge weights have been lifted off my chest. Tonight I feel lighter and less restricted than I have in months. As of today I'm down to teaching one day per week until the end of June, though I'm still studying and going to lessons for various music exams and auditions coming up.

The decision to fill this summer with as few travel plans as possible came quite naturally after an intensely busy travel year last year. Since Christmas I've sorely felt the need of a nice quiet sit down on my own. There will, of course be adventures with friends in the UK, but for my health and sanity, I need a few weeks of calm, baking and crafting.

My fabulous Cork KnitUp group has begun again after a slow start to the year and I am enjoying it so much! About two weeks ago, the lovely Hilary taught me to crochet and it's really pulled me though these tough final weeks of work.
On Saturday we had our biggest turn out yet with around eight crafters coming! I'm really looking forward to the group every Saturday and it's motivating me to finish projects!

For my birthday I was given a Cath Kidston crochet cusion kit by my friend Orla so that's what I've mostly been working on for the last fortnight. I can't wait for it to be finished and on my bed. :)

Tonight after walking my dog, the neglected packets of seeds that I bought weeks ago called to me. I planted at least 48 sunflower seeds, lettuce, love-in-a-mist, cornflowers and nasturtiums as the sun went down (and the midges came out.) I'm loving the garden right now. The dozens of bulbs I planted in the spring are finally coming into bloom and it's so satisfying!! My herbs are doing really well too and all of the fruit bushes are heavy with unripe berries! 

Singing-wise, things seem to be going well. I had a lesson today,though I was quite worried about it beforehand because I didn't feel I'd done enough practice. I hate the feeling that I could have put more work in. This week was CRAZY with teaching and exams, though, so I really didn't have more time. This week I intend to put in consistent work every day. I'll need to do an hour every day of actual singing.

I find that when I'm out running, most of what I think about is singing. Posture, breathing, mouth shape, facial muscles, placement of breath, meanings of songs and ideas for compositions and concerts are all on my mind for the 50 minutes that I spend out of the house. I think that must be the reason why I'm improving despite not having enough time for long practices.

Having this week's lesson over with is contributing to my feeling of lightness. :) I am so content right now. It's late, but I don't have to be up for any particular reason in the morning, other than to run. :) Leisure!

How are your summers coming together, blog friends? Will they be chilled out, or jam-packed? (Mm...jam..)

Playing with Playlists

On Thursday I'm scheduled to run for 22minutes straight.

The advantage of this is that I don't have to have the little man in my earphones saying "RUN NOW!" "Walk now." "RUN AGAIN!" Having 22 minutes of pure running means that I can listen to what ever I like! Tomorrow, in some of that precious and glorious free time that I will have, I plan to finally make a running playlist. It will certainly have Ministry of Magic on it, Titanium by David Guetta and I'll have to trawl my iPod for other motivating tunes.

This track will definitely make the list. It helps me to remember why I'm running at all - i.e. I need to be fit for when the Doctor comes. (Also useful in case of zombie apocalypse and escaping from Death Eaters.)

Morgen by Richard Strauss

Every so often a song will come along that completely stuns me. Having looked through some very old singing volumes that belonged to my mother, it was suggested that I should study 'Morgen' by Richard Strauss.

This piece feels like it is holding and manipulating you. When I listen to it, I feel as though something is being held just out of my reach, something that I desperately love and want. Occasionally Strauss lets me imagine having it, only to whisk it away again out of my grasp. There is a forlorn sort of optimism to this song. The singer responds to the gentle dream like melody of the violin by opening with a strong and definite statement: 'And tomorrow the sun will shine again.' She goes on with a sense of optimism, but there's always a longing and a pleading behind the words, hidden in the music.

And tomorrow the sun will shine again
And on the way which I shall follow
She will again unite us lucky ones
As all around us the earth breathes in the sun
Slowly, silently, we will climb down
To the wide beach and the blue waves

When she begins, she interrupts the violin and he stops for a moment to listen to her before playing again. Occasionally he supports her, or echoes her, but sometimes he is playing a different melody. Maybe it's the sad one that she doesn't want to hear. It seems to me that when she reaches the end of this idealistic speech, she gets suddenly swept up in her reverie. The violin notices that she isn't with him anymore and follows her into her dream world. She is so displaced from the reality that she was in. The broken chords have turned to sustained ones, she is almost drifting on clouds of music.

In silence, we will look in each other's eyes
And the mute stillness of happiness will sink upon us

In this section, she lifts the music up step by step, as though willing the sun to rise faster as she watches it. She can clearly see the moment that she will be happy in front of her. She almost trails off, discordant again as she was at the very beginning - although this time it is a peaceful, resolved sort of definite that she inhabits now. Without any resistance, she waits for the dawn while the violin plays.

The Very Cusp!

Classy. 

This Christmas has been stupidly decadent. Every single one of my lovely students gave me chocolate and I ate ALL OF THEM. (I shared, don't worry.) It was foolish. And delicious. I also spent a lot of if watching DVDs and meeting friends, recuperating and hopefully getting the coming year's illnesses out of my system. (Wishful thinking.)

Since we hit 2012, I've been on a family trip to Northern Ireland and on a hen weekend. I must say, Miss Estelle (far left) and her friends know how to have a good time. We dressed up in 80s garb and pub crawled in a West Cork village, much to the bemusement of the locals. One of the bars we shimmied into had a 20s theme. That was fun.

A lot of people have been talking about New Year's Resolutions. Bleh.

As much and I have thought and written about it (by hand), I know that nothing is real until tomorrow - the first day back to school!  So it's totally fine that I ate ten Celebrations earlier. And that I've not sung or done any exercise today.

My resolutions are as follows:

1. SING MORE - write and record songs, post them. Singing is the most important thing ever. However, on this, the cusp of the new year, I have a sore throat, so that leads onto...

2. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK - you don't have to be on form all the time. Sing through the bad times, but don't record them. I just recorded myself singing 'My Funny Valentine' with a chest and throat infection. "Why?!" I hear you ask. Guilt. I felt I hadn't done anything singing-constructive in ages so I recorded some songs. Whatever, it's all a learning experience. I can only improve.

3. EXERCISE - every day. Get toned. Good times.

4. BE MORE POSITIVE - stop talking about situations and people in a negative way. Let it all breeze past you unless really need to get it off your chest.


5. LESS INTERNET - limit Facebook and Twitter. I am just the worst person when it comes to frittering time away online. I never get anything done. It must stop.

PRIORITIES

Dear Amy,

You need to sort out your priorities. What have you been spending your 'free' (non-teaching/event organising) time doing for the last, let's say, four months?

a) Cleaning and decorating a house you don't own.
b) Sewing baubles and soft furnishings.
c) Twitter.
d) Going from infection to 'flu to infection.
e) Being involved in a lame-ass T.V. show competition.
or
f) All of the above.

Oh, Amy. You idiot. You don't need to tell you what's missing here, but just in case you really are that dim, I'll spell it out for you.

M.U.S.I.C.

Yes. That thing you'd like to do as a career. That thing you're massively, overwhelmingly passionate about but unbelievably inferior in. Oh dear.

I feel rather strongly that you should get your backside in gear, get back to studying singing and piano and start writing again EVERY DAY. That malaise you've been feeling; that sort of weird gnawing in your stomach and tightness in your chest? That's all the unwritten songs in you, eating away at your soul, trying to get out. That uncomfortable feeling in your brain? Feels a LOT like a sinus infection? That's the Amy of the future calling to you and really super hating you for wasting so much time and not improving yourself.


Here's what I want you to stop doing:

1.i Spending money.

I'm not actually sure where you're going with this, but let me remind you that you're not very wealthy. That trip to Florida you insisted on taking (though I understand why) was incredibly expensive. You don't need to spend any more money. You're cool. It's cool.

1.ii. Neglecting the dog.

THE POOR DOG. The weather was FINE for the last two days, you neglectful asshole. She loves you. That poor dog just wants you to bring her out so she can smell things. This  refers back to number one. Do NOT join a gym - you can't afford it. The dog is your gym.

1.iii So much crafting.

This is a hobby. You enjoy it. You are not going to make any more from it. Maybe take a sabbatical from sewing after Christmas. Use the time to practice for another piano grade, or to get back into researching opera, or even brush up on your baroque counterpoint harmony theory! You do NOT need to spend money on any more fabric, thread, buttons or anything of that nature. Go to the Saturday morning knitting group. Improve your knitting in that weekly slot.

2. Cleaning the house.

Just pick, like, two days where you do one hour. Stop spending your life tidying and cleaning, it's moronic. If you were practicing or writing, you wouldn't make a mess anyway.


Write songs. Record them. Upload them. Play the piano. EASY.

Quite frustrated and definitely hacked off at you.


Amy~*~

Adele

What makes Adele so nice, for me, is that her music is quite straightforward. It's like the accumulation of all the music she's listened to in this (what I would describe as) heightened era of musicians being able to do whatever they like. She's taken all this stuff in, digested it, and then written some songs straight our of her heart. Then she's sung them in a plain way with her nice voice. She's talking to us, she's communicating. I like that.

I think that's why so many people are loving her so much. They're hearing what she's saying and understanding it. Maybe it's just because there's something to understand in the first place. It's not about shaking your ass or being purely an object of sex. The funny thing is that I am not one of her devoted followers - I just understand what I'm hearing. And I like that. I respect it - and for that I respect her.

Listen to the piano part. It's so basic. Then there's a straightforward harmony on strings. It's the same thing in 'Someone Like You.' It's just broken chords. But that's perfect, because it means that the story can come across and doesn't have to compete with anything.

I like it. :)

Seriously?

An example of a time I wanted to be taken seriously

I am quite confident that I don't take myself too seriously. As I go about my life I literally police myself about it. Recently though, I've worried that I try too hard not to take myself seriously. Perhaps I should start, because if I don't, who will. It's possibly a symptom of what we in Ireland consider a very Irish mentality. We don't like to make it seem like we're anything out of the ordinary. We would like to make it seem that what we do or what we have achieved is just a trifle, that it was nothing. And if anyone acts like they worked hard for what they have, we consider them to be snobs and tend to be suspicious of them.

"Ireland is a nation of begrudgers," is a phrase that is tossed around quite freely here. And it's true. And I often worry that if I were to just explode my sense of containment, to say the really arty, stupid things that come into my head, people would think that I'm assuming another personality and doing it for attention. The reason I've been thinking about it more recently is because I want to be an artist. There is, obviously, a type of artist that is very coy and cunning about everything that they say. I would at least enjoy a period of unpoliced freedom to say and create whatever I like.

I'm always drawn to song-writers who don't follow the rules. Marina and the Diamonds, Regina Spektor, Elbow, Florence and the Machine, Lily Allen. In art class at school, I used to detest when I was making something I was excited about and my teacher would tell me how to fix it and what I shouldn't do. It's that age-old argument of "What is art?" At that point I just wanted the freedom to explore my abilities and what worked and what didn't.

That's what I want now. I'm writing all these slightly absurd lyrics. (One song is actually inspired by the Absurdest play "The Sandbox" by Albee.) And songs about the change that has happened, the way I understand my brain, the people I know and how I feel about what's occurring (<---pop reference!) Even though the speed at which I'm turning out complete songs isn't what I'd hoped, I'm still getting into the lyrics which I always found the hardest part.

In the end, if I start Tweeting or blogging completely teenage things and just seeming a bit pretentious, please don't hate me. I probably won't even get past my self-preservation reflex anyway, but I thought I'd just jot it down... in case.

Bumpy Road

I am extremely unwell. All my energy today went into doing work-work. (As opposed to work.) At the moment I am going to concentrate on battling this chest, throat and sinus infection. But hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to write again. Listening to myself rasping on the last two recordings is driving me around the twist!


Naturally I'm really inspired at this time of not being able to write. ;)

I am enjoying this spoon's face.

<3

Singing.

Singing is my life. It's always been my life. I can remember being 4 years old and standing on a stool to sing 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' for my grandparents. Every car journey, regardless of distance was spent singing along to cassettes in the back seat with my older sister. There is nothing that I have ever wanted to do more than perform.

When I was in third class, aged 9 years old, I stood up and volunteered for the first time to sing 'Land of the Silver Birch' publicly. (In front of my whole class) I will never forget the feeling that came straight afterwards. That infinitesimal stretch of silence between finishing a song and the applause that follows. It's heart wrenching and terrifying. You wonder why you just did that and if everyone now thinks you're an idiot and if they're going to laugh at your or just stay silent and stare in horror. Thankfully neither of those happened to me at the tender age of nine. In fact, that was the beginning of my school music career. That was when the teachers realised I could sing, and that was the year that I auditioned for the school choir.

For the next three years I relished every second that was spend singing, listening to music, learning about music... My only weak point was practicing my instruments, which I will undoubtedly delve into at another time. On reflection, the fascinating thing was that my family never really knew I felt like this, or that I had "a voice." That changed, I think, when I was in sixth class. I was 12 years old and the teachers put me singing something at the Christmas concert/mass. I think I sang 'Once In Royal David's City.' Afterwards, parents of other children came up to congratulate me and once I managed to reach my mother, she said "You never told us you could sing!" She was a music teacher and my mother so I took that as meaning "OH MY GOD YOU WERE AMAZING. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. YOU ARE THE BEST SINGER IN THE WORLD!!!"

And so I carried that with me into secondary school. Incidentally, I attended the school where my mother was the music teacher. This meant that I happily spent half of my secondary academic years in the music room singing in choirs, playing the 'cello and learning about Vivaldi and Jazz. The school knew me as a singer, because I didn't just restrict my musical activity to the music room, and because I was the music teacher's daughter and that comes with a legacy of its own.

I decided to study Music at university. Actually, I don't remember ever deciding to study music... I always just knew I was going there. That was almost a complete disaster, except that I found my singing teacher. I started to train my voice and appreciate singing classical music and opera as well as popular music and musical theatre.

I've since graduated. And I'm still studying my instrument, my voice with aspirations of being on stage, on TV, in a recording studio, on the radio and far, far more.

Starting to learn to sing properly is simultaneously wonderful and frustrating. It poses many more questions than it answers and every day your voice changes. It's a journey with puzzles and rewards along the way. I'm going to start properly blogging about singing here as often as possible.

It would be fantastic to hear from other singers and music lovers in the comments.

Amy~*~

My Happy Song

I have never told you about my "happy song." It's from the musical "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and was written by the ever-surprising Danny Elfman. For those unfamiliar with the film, it is on of those magnificently craven products of Tim Burton's mind. The story follows Jack Skellington, a skeleton frustrated with the humdrum of living in 'Hallowe'en Town' - a place where three hundred and sixty-five days of the year are devoted to preparing and executing Hallowe'en.

The song is called "What's This?" and it's performed when Jack stumbles across 'Christmas Town.' Jack is completely confused and amazed by all the happiness, colour and light that he sees everywhere.

"Oh my, what now?
The children are asleep
But look, there's nothing underneath
No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them
Or ensnare them, only little cozy things
Secure inside their dreamland
What's this?"

Basically this song brings across the spirit of an excitable four-year-old who has just been let loose in a toy shop and told he can have whatever he likes. I LOVE THAT! The pace of the song accelerates and lulls depending on what Jack sees and how bewildered and excited he is.

The effect that this song has on me is quite remarkable. It has been known to cause me to just laugh hysterically at the top of my lungs. I don't know why I find it so funny, but I can find myself in floods of tears from singing along. It's especially fun if there are people around who don't know that I am particularly insane. That's always good.

I can't stress enough how wonderful I think this song is. I loved it before I saw "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and I still maintain that it's better to listen to it without the video.

From it's magical and energetic extended introduction to the final line, I LOVE THIS SONG! IT MAKES ME HAPPY!

TRY IT!

Breakdowns.

__..::Part ONE*

Recently music has become about exercise for me. It's hideous. I don't even listen to it anymore - I just plug it in to my brain and use the beat to keep me going. In moments of reflection this makes me feel a bit sick. It's not who I am. But I know I've been avoiding music, just like I've been avoiding something giant and looming and invisible. Some part of me is rotting when I'm not listening to music or singing. Why don't I sing anymore?

__.::Part TWO*

It's so easy to get caught up in all the hype and popularity. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to walk away. I crave "quiet all about me."

__..::Part THREE*

I'm developed a sort of fear of the kitchen, cooking, food, shopping. I'm listening to my inner seventeen-year-old a little bit too carefully. She's the one who taught me silence and self-control and tact. University taught me to forget her for three years. Maybe I shouldn't welcome her back so readily but I envy her ability to write and marvel at everything, alienate people and not sleep.

__..::Part FOUR*

"Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on."



Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

May 12th 2008

So this breath caught in my chest because the lyrics were ruthless and the music was like polished glass and I felt like I was standing in the middle of a cavernous room with mirrors everywhere, echoing, voice bouncing off the walls. The breath started to swell because I was inspired and sort of touched and I suddenly grinned and wanted to do all of the silly things that make me me. I also wanted to be a scene girl because scene girls have the funniest faces and take themselves so seriously and I would laugh to take myself seriously. The room is so shiny and self-fulfilled and thin.

The breath almost always comes out as harmony and minor but sometimes it doesn't come out, it just stays in my chest and grows and grows and I want to go outside so that it has room to expand and the sun shines on my face and the sounds ring in my ears like the echo in the cavernous room. I'm not sure how this is supposed to make me feel but it makes me feel like this. And I feel the onset of 17 and diets and cupcakes and running around in fields with friends and spending money on things that make me happy as a GIRL with an eye for pretty or quirky or so-uncool-it's-cool.

And I'm thinking about all the ways I can play the piano and I don't want to be rich, and I don't want to be famous but I want to spend days with friends driving around green countryside with picnic baskets and running into the sea and doing things I'm afraid of and finding a boy and getting excited everytime he texts me.

I want to pine for my friends and the for the pining to end and I want to eat lettuce all summer long and go to the gym and make friends who like to sing spontaneously and make videos of themselves being ridiculous because let's be honest, nothing else matters.

Turn to the Music:

THE FEAR by Lily Allen http://www.myspace.com/lilymusic

Martha

You know how it is when you're young: your mother is friends with someone and so you are expected to socialize with their children. You do it because you have to, not because you want to.

That's what happened with Martha and me. We were very young, maybe 3 and 4 years old, forced together by our mothers' friendship. I didn't like her. She was too quiet and she used to copy everything I did. Also, she was from the country and knew how to grow vegetables and look after chickens and things I had no clue about.  

At the age of 12 or thereabouts something suddenly clicked into place and Martha and I became good friends, going from strength to strength in our friendship over the years. Over the years I watched as she turned from a quiet little country girl to a confident, cool, talented adult and maybe as a result of that I feel more like she is my sister than just my friend. 

She is the person that I queued up for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with for 16 hours and read it with, surviving on a diet or chocolate, tea and kettle chips.

Sadly we recently realised that we haven't seen each other in nearly a year. Because of going to college on opposite ends of the country , we haven't hugged since my 21st birthday last January.

Martha will turn 21 on the 9th December 2008 and I will be there, in Belfast to celebrate with her. The best part is that we both know that no matter what happens, no matter how far apart we are or how long we go without seeing each other, we will always be friends. We can always pick up where we left off.

Can't wait to see you, Martha. <3

Turn to the Music: 

In memory of the summer spent watching DIGIMON!!! This fun fun fun track "All Star" by Smash Mouth

Turn Up The Musing

'On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A partridge in a pear tree."

Well it's not quite the first day of Christmas, it is however the third day that I have woken up to a blanket of ice covering my car and freezing fog hanging eerily in the air. Imagine my delight when, on Friday morning, after waking up to find that my alarm had not gone off and I was late for work, I opened the door to a virtually opaque world. I had to feel my way to the car armed with jugs of water to melt the windscreen. 

Now don't get me wrong, I hate hazardous driving conditions as much as the next person. But there is something so reassuring about winter being, well, winterish. Especially living in Cork, the Wet and Warm Capital of Ireland, it's nice to see some evidence of the change in seasons. Although I'm not crazy about waking up in the dark, working through the daylight hours and driving home to see a 4pm sunset.

Some people will blame global warming for this unusually bitter weather but I must say that it brings me back to my child hood. Many happy mornings were spent crunching across the frozen grass on my way to school bundled up in hats and scarves and anoraks. Good times. Personally I'm looking forward to the opportunity to don my favourite hats and scarves again. Nothing says "WINTER!" like disappearing under a sea of mittens and socks.

So come on people! Stop complaining! Stoke up that fire, pull out your comfiest blanket and snuggle down. If we're lucky we might just get a white Christmas!

Turn to the Music:

To keep my smile warm I'm listening to "Good Morning Baltimore" from the musical Hairspray.  Listen to it first thing in the morning to keep you happy for the rest of the day.