Monday, April 9, 2012

Weird Dream

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. Well, I didn't believe I was pregnant. I thought it was all a horrible mistake and I'd ended up in the maternity wing of a hospital by accident. The midwives were very sweet to me but all I could think was "I'm just fat. This is so embarrassing, why will no one believe me?!"

So I cried and panicked and insisted that there was no baby in there. One of the midwives pulled out an ultrasound machine and showed me the baby's heartbeat. And then I understood why, dispite my exercise and diet efforts, I hadn't lost any weight. There was a CHILD growing in me. When I ran to the bathroom to assimilate the information, I overheard the midwives saying they would have to induce me, and then later I was going to have  C-section. I woke up before I gave birth.

All day I've felt so sad that I'm not pregnant.

A personal blog that no one needs to read.

My new motto is "GET SHIT DONE!!" Just like that, in a shouty voice with exclamation marks.

This blog has been rather sparse of late, owing to my complete incapacity to deal with life, work, body, family AND internet. The whole ensemble was not working out and something just had to give.

Oh life! What a funny thing you are. Occasionally I think I have things figured out and the path before me seems crystal clear. Then I have a sudden bout of self doubt, financial doubt or confusion and I'm back to where I started. Right now I have arrived back at where I started and where I KEEP arriving: singing.

It's time to get on that road. The singing road. The next 1.5 years are for getting into any possible singing situation that I can, getting back to lessons and applying everywhere imaginable.

Teaching music. I am inclined to really, really enjoy it. However, it's something I'd like to do alongside singing professionally. So, for now, I'm going to work and save, sacrifice moving out and cut down on using my car, so that I can save enough to go to the UK or wherever I can sing.

Abridged version: Many pains - much physical therapy - getting better. Tomorrow I'll be starting week 4 of Couch-To-5K and I am absolutely thrilled! I'm still eating too much cake, but that ends tomorrow.