Thursday, August 25, 2011

September Makes Me Insane



September approaches. It's the new school year, and for me that carries more meaning than the start of the calendar year. It's deeply rooted psychologically - the excitement, the new stationary, school bag, putting on your school uniform again. It's also the promise of something stable, secure and familiar - the routine of getting up, going out, doing things and coming home to relax.

OH HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! Well, to an extent. Now I work in the evenings, so I wake up in the morning and wait for the day to begin at 3.30pm. It does seem that I am learning how to do life on a very gradual basis. For example, this end-of-August I have quite a detailed schedule of work I do from waking up time until about 6pm, after which time I can read, watch TV or Skype my friends. (Mostly the latter.) This is so lovely, and so reassuring and just like the days of yore. In a way, I am a little but wary of going back to the routine of getting up and waiting to work.

At this time of the year I start to get anxious that I'm not fulfilling my potential, and that I'm basically wasting my life because of sheer laziness. This year, at least, I can take a step back and say to myself: 'No. I am working towards goals. I am doing as much as I can.' A lot of this feeling of inadequacy comes down to being distracted. I look after people and let them take my time, even when I have a defined schedule. At least I recognise this now, and I can work towards fixing it.

Does anyone else have a panic in late August/September? Or do you just think: "I WANT NEW STATIONARY!!!" (I think this too....)



2 comments:

Melinda Black said...

I'm in the same place. I have this mixture of anticipation and apprehension in my head. I want to knuckle down and crack on with stuff, I want everything to be neat and orderly and manageable. I've been making lists. I've started blocking out a new project. I'm so ready for the new year... I think... maybe a couple of new folders would seal the deal.

ILY

Elizabeth M. Clements said...

I'm having thoughts about being a slacker and never getting anywhere, but mainly I'm just in the mood for Autumny things and looking forward to Christmas.