Comfort.

I have a confession to make. I can't believe I'm saying this...

I haven't been for a singing lesson/done anything singy in... nearly three months. Since the 10th December 2009. I haven't had a singing lesson since last year. Ohhhh let me explain.

On the 22nd November, I was involved in a recital. It was a selection of my singing teacher's favourite students for friends and family. I, of course, was delighted to have the chance to sing! However, my singing teacher loaded an aria on me that I didn't think I was ready for. So for a few weeks, my self-imposed singing routine was regimented. I didn't eat dairy, I warmed up, breaked, rehearsed and was paranoid about not exerting my voice. By the time the concert came, I was ready to take a break from singing. I pulled off the aria and it was all fine and dandy on that front, thank God.

Now, let me just underline that I understand that practice has to be done every day. I understand that if I were a professional opera singer, or any kind of singer really, I would have to be strict in my routine. I suppose my problem is that I didn't feel ready for that aria. There was a B in it that, despite being able to sing, wasn't audience-ready in my opinion.

(After this I did an audition for a musical theatre college in London, but that was a bit of a lark really!)

After a conversation with a friend the other night about her observations in a singing competition, I've come to a realisation. She, wonderfully insightful person that she is, said that she noticed the following:

In a performance it's not about having the biggest aria. It's about singing the song that you have to its best. To your own best. It's not about who sings the highest note, it's about the musicality and performance of a song you're completely comfortable with.

Maybe it sounds obvious. But then again, it probably depends on what you've learned. In the shows and competition I've done, it's always been about singing something new and scary and daunting. This. Makes. No. Sense.

Case and point: my falling out after the November concert. It just completely turned me off for a while. It made singing unenjoyable and ultimately, I still wasn't comfortable singing that aria in front of a load of people. It came at a weird time too, where I knew I needed to switch singing teacher. I'm still searching for a new one. It's frustrating. I think I'm actually desperate.

But this new revelation has totally changed my view of competitions/performances. Amazing.